Two Year Mark since final cancer treatment!!

Fall 2014

Fall 2014

Two years ago today!  Last treatment.

2 Years ago, Feb. 2, 2013.

Today, February 2, 2015, marks two years since my final cancer treatment.  I’ve had several check ups since my last entry, including a mammogram, blood tests, and a couple of different scans, and so far, all is still clear and I’m still cancer free.  My energy level remains at about 85% of my pre-cancer energy level, and Scott jokingly adds, “and all our lives are better for it.”  He claims that my 80% is higher than most people’s 100%.  I am able to do all that I need and want to do; I just need to take it a little slower on Mondays following a busy weekend. 

My hair continues to grow, and now that I’m hitting the 2 year mark, the curls are also almost gone.  The last 6 months of growth has added straight strands, with some remaining curl on the ends from my earliest growth.  The flesh from my left arm pit, to about half way to the elbow still has little feeling, due to nerve damage when the lymphnodes were removed.  This is most likely permanent at this point, but it doesn’t prevent me from doing anything.  And, if I pinch it hard, it does register pain at some level of the tissue.  Obviously, I rarely do this. 

I take daily medication to block the hormones that fed my type of cancer.  I have been able to talk with other women starting on their own breast cancer adventures, sharing things that I’ve learned along the way, and advice shared with me from others who have been on similar journeys.  I am thankful for all I learned through the process.  I appreciate my body and its resilience.  I am thankful for the things I learned from family and friends about love, compassion, prayer, and support.  Most of all, I am thankful for the opportunity I had to grow closer to my Heavenly Father and my Savior.  I could feel of my Savior’s love, grace, and enabling power.  It was an opportunity to give my will to Him, and know that all would be okay, no matter what the outcome.  I’m also very thankful that His will was also what I wanted most—more time with my family and friends, and more time to serve others.

That’s the end of the cancer update and talk.  Now I’ll share a few updates since my last post. 

BYU Graduation April 2014

Garrett married Jamisyn in August.  She fits in so well and is a great addition to our family.  Kirsten & Weston graduated and moved back to Indiana, where Weston’s in a masters program and will begin medical school in the fall.  Courtney finished high school and starts college in April.

Photo Credit Erin Summerill Photography; cousin Jackson holding Heath's photo.

Last August, I completed a sprint triathlon with Scott, Kirsten & Weston.  It was a great event to train for.  I learned how to swim with proper stroking and breathing, and purchased my first swim cap and goggles.  I have a MUCH greater appreciation for swimmers.  I also learned that triathletes are more serious and competitive than your typical 5K participants.  There were no walkers.  Kirsten and I were the only casual participants.  I won 2^nd place in my age category (women over 50), but there were only 2 of us, AND I placed DEAD last out of the 50-60 participants.  It was really fun doing the event with family, and Kirsten stayed with me through the swim and bike portions. We plan on doing it again this summer.  

Sprint triathlon

New Years Day 2015, Chicago

Our family will soon hit another 2 year mark—Heath will return from his 2-year mission in Argentina in 10 days!  We are SO excited to see him again.  He has loved his time there and will be sad to leave.  His mission adventures can be followed at elderheathtenney.blogspot.com 

Indianapolis Temple Under Construction

Temple photos credit to Trisha Amerpohl

This will be an exciting year for our family and our church family here in Indianapolis.  The construction of our Indianapolis Temple is almost complete.  There will be a public open house from July 17^th through August 8^th, except for Sundays.  It is a rare treat to tour a temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  After the open house, entry will be limited to members who hold a current recommend (permission card).  I’d love to host any local friends who would like to go on a tour!    

CT Scan, Papa & Mimi's Engagement Story & Easter

Monday, April 14th, was my birthday.  I scheduled a CT scan for  that day--since I received a mammogram for Christmas, it made sense.  A week later,  I had a check-up with the chemo doctor.  My scan came back clear and normal, my exam went well too.   I return to the cancer center in 6 months.  My energy continues to build.  I'd guess my energy is now at 85% of pre-cancer energy.  If I have a really full day or weekend, I need to rest a little more on a following day.  My hair is still curly and it's now about shoulder length.

So much has happened since my last post.  Scott Jr. finished his associates degree.  Garrett and Jamisyn are getting married in August.  Kirsten, Weston, & Jamisyn are graduating from BYU this weekend.  Heath passed his mission's one year mark in February, and Courtney got her driver's license.  

I'm back teaching at the school, part time--Monday, Wednesday, and Friday until noon.  I spend the morning moving from room to room helping kids with reading.  I love it, and it's worked out better with my recovery and with all of the other activities going on in my life.  

After a long, extremely cold winter, Denise and I are back with running consistently.  I love running in spring weather!  

The prom dress boutique has been busy.  There are so many beautiful dresses in so many sizes that I've started pulling out dresses that aren't as pretty or popular, so there's  room for newer, more current ones that continually arrive through donations. 

Family selfie, Easter 2014

Easter was a wonderful day.  Scott spoke in church and shared a favorite family story about Papa and Mimi's engagement, using it as an example of the Savior's love and compassion for each of us: 

My grandmother grew up in the Mormon colonies in Mexico – in Juarez.  Her family wasn’t wealthy but they had a nice orchard and a fruit business.  Having been through a few cycles of Mexican revolutions and the resulting chaos, they had an appreciation for the value of being prepared for that sort of uncertainty.

My grandfather grew up in the US.  His family was pretty poor.  His dad didn’t have much education but was a really hard worker.  He supported his family by doing manual labor on other people’s farms or in factories.  My grandfather’s mother wanted him to have a better life and encouraged him to go to college.  So after HS he went off to Gila college in NM.

While there he met my grandmother and they fell madly in love.  Eventually my grandfather asked her to marry him.  My grandmother was fairly practical – she responded that she loved him but wanted to know how much he had saved up for them to start their lives together. 

My grandfather replied that he didn’t have any savings.  My grandmother said they had to have some money saved to start their lives together.  My grandfather said, OK, how much do we need?  My grandmother said, “at least a thousand dollars” – we think she probably grabbed that out of the air because it was a nice round number.  In the 1920’s a thousand dollars was a huge amount of money.  However, my grandfather was undeterred by this hurdle and told her he’d save the thousand dollars.

At the end of the semester, my grandmother went back to Juarez.  My grandfather got a job at a lumber mill in AZ.  He explained his situation to the mill owner and said he wanted to save every penny he earned.  He asked him if he could just hold the money until he’d reached his goal.  He slept in a shack at the mill and worked as many hours as humanly possible, six days a week.  I don’t know what he did for food but he didn’t spend any money. 

The only way he could communicate with my grandmother was by mail – and the postage service between AZ and Juarez was pretty slow.  After about six months of work, the mill owner owed my grandfather a little over a thousand dollars.  In the last letter he sent to my grandmother, he told her he had great news and to meet him at the train station in Juarez in two weeks.

A few days after mailing that last letter, the sheriff and bank officials came and repossessed the mill and all of their assets – including the money that was owed to my grandfather.  It was part of a wave of bankruptcies that were part of the great depression.  Now, if my grandfather knew labor laws and could have afforded an attorney, he probably could have laid claim to his share of those repossessed assets but he didn’t know labor laws and couldn’t afford an attorney – so he was left with nothing.  The owner of the mill felt badly and gave my grandfather whatever cash he had in his wallet – but it wasn’t much – not even enough for the train tickets to get down to Juarez.

A lesser man might have been greatly discouraged or even broken – but my grandfather was an optimist and he’d made a commitment to meet my grandmother at the train station in Juarez.  He started hopping on freight trains heading south.  At this time there were a lot of homeless people – called hobo’s at the time – who would hop on empty freight cars and go from city to city.  The railroad started hiring what they called roustabouts – really mean, tough guys with big clubs who would chase the hobo’s off the trains and beat them if they didn’t move fast enough.  He had some great stories about his interactions with hobo’s and roustabouts but after a week or so he had made it to Mexico.

He had told my grandmother he’d be on a particular passenger train coming into Juarez – so he needed to be on that train.  He spent a good chunk of his meager savings on a train ticket for the last leg of the journey.

As his train pulled into the station, he looked down at his clothes that were thread bare and dirty.  He was tired and hungry.  He’d always been kind of skinny but he was really skin and bones now.  He looked out the train window and saw my grandmother on the platform.  He said she looked like a princess from a fairy tale.  All clean with her hair done just so and in a nice dress – and she was searching the windows of the train to try to find him.  In spite of how he looked, he was so excited to see her.

As he got off the train he ran to her and they hugged.  After a long embrace she stepped back and looked at him – and he knew that this was his moment of accountability.  She said “did you save a thousand dollars?”  He looked down at the ground and said “no, I didn’t”.  She optimistically asked “well how much did you save?”.  My grandfather reached into his pocket and pulled out a few crumpled up bills and some change and counted it and then said “Four dollars and twenty-eight cents”.   There was a long silence and then my grandmother said “Close Enough!” – and they got married.

I love this story for all that it says about my grandparents.  They raised six children in the faith, served valiantly in whatever callings they were given, served two missions together, served in the temple and died strong in the faith having kept their covenants.  They leave a legacy of faith for their children, grandchildren and beyond.

However, I love this story even more – and share it with you today – because its become a metaphor for me for my day of accountability when I stand before our Savior.  He will ask me how close I’ve come to my goal of living a Christ-like life – and I will probably fall further short of that goal than my grandfather did of his goal of saving a thousand dollars.  But if, like my grandfather, I’ve done all that I can.  If I strived and repented and relied on the saving grace of the Savior’s atonement – at that day the Savior will, in effect, say to me “Close enough – enter thou into the joy of the Lord.”

In another class, we talked about Mary and her feelings when she found the tomb empty.  I had the realization that she was having that numb, in shock experience of when someone close to you dies.  No wonder she didn't recognize him at first.  She was just going through the motions of life, but was heartbroken and grieved.  It was interesting to think of her and those feelings.  I remember clearly feeling that numbness and shock when my father-in-law died and when my dad died.  So much of those right-after death memories remain a fog, because you're just going through the motions to do what has to be done.  Thinking about this helped me relate more to Mary and the apostles and their state of mind when the Savior appeared to them.  I am so thankful to my Savior, for his sacrifice so we can all live again and be reunited with our loved ones who are now in heaven.  Easter reminds us of the hope we have through His atonement and resurrection.  I've felt His comforting peace in the midst of storms.  I love Him and deeply feel and appreciate His watchful care.  

A Mammogram for Christmas.

I started out the week of Christmas with a mammogram—what every woman has on the top of her Christmas list—NOT. Unlike routine mammograms, which feel like you close a bare breast in a freezer door, hold it as tightly closed as possible, and then slowly pull yourself free-- diagnostic mammograms have to go deeper and look at more angles. After multiple angles and views, each one involving smashed and stretched tissue that is still sore from surgery over a year ago, there was wonderful news—no signs of cancer. Thank goodness for freezer doors. Now you know why old women sag.

I then moved upstairs to my surgeon’s office. After a thorough exam, he told me everything looked great and said to return in six months. I’m now seeing one doctor every 3 months (surgeon, oncologist, radiation oncologist). When I return in 6 months, they will do some kind of scan instead of a mammogram.

Though a mammogram is the last thing one would want for Christmas, it was a small price to pay for the fabulous gift of peace of mind AND a clean bill of health for 3 more months. When the doctor asked how I was feeling, I told him that sadly, I wasn’t at 100% yet, but felt like I was stuck at about 80%. He then told me it takes about 18 months to recover. I had never heard that part. I had thought it would take about 6 months to recover. So, it was nice to learn that I just need to give it some more time.

It’s probably good that I wasn’t aware of this 18-month recovery window this past August, when I started working at a wonderful public charter school that is Montessori based. I started out working 6 hours a day, and then after about 3 weeks a full time spot opened in the resource room, where I could move from room to room helping kids, of course the reading and spelling parts were my favorite. One of the highlights of the day was helping with the morning car line, greeting these 150 kids with their beaming smiles. I wore fun winter hats each morning, including a cow, elephant, and of course a Santa hat. It was a lot of fun, but as the weeks went by, I could feel the hours taking their toll on my energy. Instead of being exhausted after work on Fridays, I was feeling exhausted every afternoon. I loved the experience, but gave them notice that I would have to resign at the end of the semester, which was last Friday. It was a fun ride. I’m on their sub list if they are ever in a bind, and they said they’d love to have me back when I feel ready.  So it’s not the end of enjoying these great kids.

I met some wonderful people through the school. Two moms were going through breast cancer. I felt like God put me in place to be able to talk to them and cheer them on. Another friend at the school lost her dad to leukemia, the same way I lost my Dad. So even though it was a short time, it was an experience I appreciate and cherish.

Heath, my missionary son, made it to Argentina at the end of October. He's enjoying his opportunity to serve. You can follow his adventures at elderheathtenney.blogspot.com



Thanksgiving Day 2013 & Heath (left) in Argentina 


Ugly Sweater Youth Dance
I love the Christmas season. I love celebrating the birth of our Savior. I admire Simeon and Anna, featured in Luke chapter 2. They lived faithful lives, waiting to see our Savior in the flesh. They followed promptings of the spirit to be at the right place at the right time so they could see the infant king. I love knowing about Christ and watching and preparing for his return. I love knowing that he is watchful over each of us individually. I also love the way he places people in our path, to touch our lives and teach us more about Him by the way they serve others. It’s beautiful! I love having all of my kids home and making memories together. Enjoy your Christmas season as we all try to be His hands through out the entire year.

Do not die with your music still in you.

Last Friday was another 3 month checkup with my surgeon.  Everything checked out great, and I return in 3 months for another checkup and mammograms.  It's so weird to think that a year ago, I was weak from chemo.  Now, I have ultra curly hair, I'm up to 3.5 miles on runs, and starting new adventures in life.

I recently came across a saying that really impacted me:  "Do not die with your music still in you."  It was mentioned in an LDS General Conference talk by Tad Callister, in the priesthood session, directed to leaders of young men in the Mormon faith.  It was a great talk for all of us as leaders of youth.  In thinking about that, I pondered about what gifts I've been blessed with that I've been keeping inside.  I've been blessed with intensive training, a graduate degree, and years of experience in helping kids with reading disabilities, though most of that experience has come through raising my oldest child, who has dyslexia and asperger's syndrome.  Since living in Indiana, I've done almost nothing with this gift,   though there are kids everywhere that need help with reading.  So, with this quote in mind, I decided to look into a reading specialist job for next fall.  I inquired at a small school that was very close to my house.  I learned that it was a public charter school, and I've always been a fan of school choice.  To make a long story short, I'm now working with the resource team and enjoying the opportunity of helping children in each of the classrooms.  It's an assistant teacher position that I'm hoping will lead into a full time specialist position in the future.  I'm really enjoying it.  The kids are so much fun!

The summer was great.  I enjoyed girls' camp, youth conference, two family reunions, and time with our kids, minus Heath, who is still awaiting his visa to Argentina.  He's working hard and staying focused as he serves our Savior as a missionary in Ohio, only 2 hours away from home.  His blog is "elderheathtenney.blogspot.com," if you'd like to read his weekly letters.  And no, I haven't dropped any care packages on his porch, though it was very tempting--I was voted down on the idea by the men in my family.

What music is still inside of you?  Think about it, and make sure you're using the gifts and opportunities you've been blessed with to bless the lives of others.  I think God's big plan, besides returning to Him, is for all of us to learn to serve and bless others as our Savior did when he was on Earth, and as he continually watches over us and blesses us from day to day.

The first weekend in October is another LDS General Conference.  We get to hear inspiring messages from our prophet, the 12 apostles, and other leaders for two days and it's broadcast on the internet and some television channels.  October Conference at lds.org lists times and session, and how to watch online live, or catch it afterwards.  It is uplifting and inspiring.

I know these blog entries are infrequent.  No news is good news.  So, if it's December before I post again, I hope you have a wonderful fall and Thanksgiving!

Celebrate Summer

Yesterday, I had my first mammogram since May 2012 when this whole breast cancer journey started.  I was anxious about it, and relieved that everything looked clean and clear—cancer free!  I also had an appointment with my surgeon.  He did a thorough exam and he also gave me a clean bill of health.  I return in three months.  My physical therapist says that from interviewing her cancer patients, it takes about seven years before they can say they don’t think/worry about cancer every day.  It was nice to hear that at some point it won’t occupy so much focus and concern.  I am vigilantly watching for any signs of recurrence anywhere, hoping if it does come back, we can catch it early enough to prevent harsher steps.  I’m thankful that they are checking me every three months and doing mammograms every six months.  It adds to having peace of mind. 

My energy continues to build.  I feel like I’m at 85% of my normal energy.  I’m running/walking with Denise for about 45 minutes to an hour, 3 days a week, and we are running for more of that time than walking, so that’s exciting and encouraging.  Plus, it seems to increase my energy for the rest of the day. 

My hair continues growing, though the length is hard to notice since it tends to coil more and more with curls.  I’ve tried blow drying it and using a flat iron.  Neither technique has had an attractive result—about four inches of fuzzy hair sticking straight out, like the Afros that were popular in the 90’s.  So, the easiest method of putting hair products on wet hair, and then letting it curl up and do it’s natural thing is working best at this point.  Since they say it will be curly for about 2 years, I’m trying to decide if I should try growing it out, or just keep it short.  With the curl, it may look short no matter what I decide.  It’s fun experiencing a new kind of hair.  It’s thick and very curly. 

Last year we kicked off this whole cancer journey with “Shave the Date,” a party to celebrate baldness, where everyone wore a hat or a wig.  I’d mentioned to several people last year that we’d do it again this year, as a celebration that it was all behind us.  Here we are, a year later, and it really is all behind us.  It’s really exciting!  Every day I feel even better.  But, as I thought about the party that was so much fun, I felt embarrassed to have thrown a big party, sort of just for myself.  Who does that kind of thing?!  It was really helpful at the time, and really fun.  So, today we are having a party again, and I will personally be celebrating yesterday’s great news, but the party is simply a “Celebrate Summer” gathering, perhaps now an annual celebration.  I’ll be celebrating the wonderful friends and family who have been so supportive through this journey, celebrating the opportunity I’ve had to share my experience with others going through similar journeys, and celebrating my faith in my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ.  That faith has helped me feel peace throughout the storms of this past year.  There are so many things to celebrate this summer!     

Spreading Sunshine and Gladness--Ideas for Rendering Service

Many Happy Returns on the day of thy birth, may sunshine and gladness be given…. Those words are the start of our family birthday poem.  Today is my birthday.  I didn’t realize it would be an emotional event, but I am SO thankful to have this birthday.  So much happened during my year of age 50.  One year ago, I had no idea that two weeks later my life would change so much.  This is the only birthday where I can say I definitely feel one year older and many years wiser.  I’ve learned so much about turning my will over to God, and trusting in Him.  I’ve also learned so much from others and their outpouring of support and love.  I have definitely felt the many gifts of sunshine and gladness that have been given from so many wonderful people.  My energy levels continue to improve.  I'm just returning from a wonderful celebration trip with Scott, celebrating the end of cancer, our birthdays, and our 30th anniversary.  More pictures are at the end of this post.

Service Ideas 

Many have asked for ideas to help someone they know who’s going through cancer. Everyone handles this news in different ways.  Some choose to retreat and come out when it’s all over with, dealing with it all privately.  Obviously, I am one that deals with it in a more inclusive way.  Regardless of how one chooses to handle it, I think that acknowledging to the person in some way and letting them know you are aware of their situation and that you are thinking of them and praying for them is really helpful.   

A few have asked,“What was the most helpful thing someone did for you?”  In thinking about this, my answer would have to be the sum total of many people doing just one thing resulted in a great and lasting impact of support.  I really feel that each person was inspired to reach out and do whatever he/she felt impressed to do to give me a lift when it was needed.  There were so many thoughtful things done randomly along the entire journey.  It was a blessing that everyone did not reach out and respond in the first few weeks.  There was no coordinator of who should send a note or do something kind on certain days, but I think by following the promptings of the spirit, kindnesses were coordinated from heaven, with a steady flow of love expressed and extended along the entire journey.  Some of the most uplifting messages were from people who I didn’t even know very well.  It was touching that they would reach out and join in on the many comforts that were provided.  I’ve consulted with others who have been down similar roads for additional ideas.  So, in no particular order, what follows is a long list of ideas that might spark some inspiration or a prompting of something you can do for someone else.  Some of these are applicable for someone going through cancer, but most would work well for serving anyone—because we all need a lift at times.    

As a recipient of service, it was hard to ask for help, though I did learn to do it in dire circumstances.  It was much easier to agree to an offering of service, or simply welcome a gesture that arrived at the door.  Our church service coordinator would call or text and say, “We’d like to bring meals in for your last four weeks.”  It was then easy for me to say, “Thank you, 3 days a week would be really helpful, and these are the days that would help most….”  When someone simply told me what they were going to do, it was easy to accept, and I was comfortable tweaking the offer so it was still beneficial, but within my comfort zone.  If your group has a meal sign up, and it’s full before you get a chance to sign up, feel free to choose any day not listed and call and say, “I’m bringing dinner tonight.  You can save it for another day if you don’t need it for tonight, or freeze it for later.”  Freezer meals that were ready to use as needed provided comfort and peace of mind, knowing we were set for anything unexpected.

Though people have sincere desires, when someone says, “Call me if you need anything,” when a need does arise it is hard to remember all of the people that made that offer, and you’re unsure what tasks they were really offering.  It was easier when it was phrased specifically—“I would love to help with rides for you or your kids,” or even easier to accept, “I’d love to give the kids a ride to and from_______ today, I’ll be by around…..” Also, feel free to follow up on offers you’ve made.  One friend told me she had really wanted to drive me to radiation and hadn’t heard from me yet, and wanted to make sure she had a turn.  That made me feel like I was doing her a favor!   

Prayers – constant specific prayers for the person are definitely felt.  Tell the person you are praying for them.  Several friends shared that their children prayed for me in every prayer they offered.  That was especially touching to hear. 

Text messages, especially on key days, just letting them know you are thinking of them.  They also let you know that they were aware of the happenings in your treatment.   

Facebook messages or emails, short, quick notes that say you are thinking about them. 

Letter or card in the mail.

Plant fresh flowers in a pot on their front porch (perhaps replacing the dead, neglected ones).

Water their plants inside or outside.

Plant bulbs in their yard that will come out in the spring.

Stop by and pull weeds out of their flowerbeds or garden.

Drop off items that are easy to pack for school lunches, or grab for snacks.

Share a favorite book (used & loaned work great, be clear about “loaned” books so they know to return them—and if anyone needs any back from me, please let me know!) 

Soft socks

New PJ’s

A soft pillowcase or soft sheets.

Send or drop off a single favorite item or a box or bag with family members’ favorites and note describing each item—lotion, a book, snacks, a pen.

Have kids draw pictures and make get well notes (these were SO cute and fun!)

Blank note cards or blank thank you cards.

Book of stamps.

A pre-paid post office flat rate box for use with anything they might need to mail.

Plate of cookies or brownies (ideally, cancer patients may be trying to minimize sugar intake, but sometimes a home made treat hit a needed spot, plus family members always appreciate a treat)

A hand-tied fleece blanket for keeping warm on medical visits.

A freezer meal with instructions, these were great for use as needed.

A carton of blue berries, bag of raw almonds, asparagus, or other super food.

Ingredients to make a power smoothie.

Humorous book or note card.

A pot of soup that can be reheated.

A loaf of homemade bread.
A glass jar filled with small uplifting quotes to pull out and read individually as needed (mine had tiny envelopes made by hand of different scrapbook papers, to open on days I needed a boost.)

Mail a photo you took and let them know you’re thinking of them.

Email link to an inspirational video or message.

Call and offer a ride for an activity their child has.

Take pictures of their kids at any events and email a copy (especially ones they may miss, but they may be at the event, but too tired to take pictures).

Pass along any tips that might help, especially if you’ve found them helpful.

Miralax for constipation (a friend sent this, knowing that my anti-nausea meds would cause a problem, and doctors had not warned me of it!)

Lemon drops or peppermints help with nausea.

Favorite magazine you enjoyed and you’re finished with.

Mealtrain.com for coordinating meals as needed

Quick meal kit (open assorted cans and dump them in a pot).
Drop off dinner the day BEFORE surgery, so they can spend their time getting ready for the hospital and recovery.

Run a race or event, and tell them or send a photo of their name on your back

Celebrate milestones with balloons or fresh flowers, or just drop some off on a random day.

Drop off paper plates or paper cups to help with dishes on hard days.

Call or text when you’re headed to the grocery store or Costco/Sams to see if they need anything picked up.

Library run phone call, “I’m headed to the library, need anything picked up or returned?”

Blank journal

Call ahead and say, “I have an hour, what’s a project I can work on?”

Movie day—come over and watch a movie together

Refillable Water bottle (I've loved the Brita filter water bottle)

Chemotherapy specific:  Many chemotherapy treatments result in hair loss. 

Soft seamless hat for sleeping (bald heads get cold), knit or crochet a hat (every stitch felt like an expression of love), anti-nausea lollipops, big earrings, fun hat, scarf, bandana, Pro-care type toothpaste (with extra fluoride, chemo is hard on teeth).

Radiation specific:  Offer a ride to radiation.  (I regret not arranging more rides to radiation, because time together in the car visiting was a real treat, and I missed out on visits with several people that had hoped to drive me at least once, if not weekly), SPF 50 shirt (with radiation, your radiation area can’t be in the sun for a year, and after that, it should be very limited and you should always use at least 50 SPF sunscreen), a link to a website that sells SPF clothing (Lands End, Sierra Trading Post), Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry-touch Sunscreen Broad Spectrum SPF 55 (recommended by a doctor and I loved it). 

Again, this list is just to give you some specific ideas that might trigger something you are inspired to do for someone else.  You don’t have to spend money to show you care.  A text message, email, or in-person comment of support really makes a difference.  I wish I could list every person and every gift of love that was shared, but I’m certain I would miss several (especially because memory problems really do occur!).  Please know that any kind gesture shared with someone else will lighten their load and help them feel loved.  Please share any ideas I can add to this list, and check back for additions!

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

 Friday, March 22, 2013

It’s been seven weeks since my last treatment, and about five weeks since my last post.  So many wonderful things have happened in the mean time.  I’ll start with the health updates. 

I’ve seen my surgeon and oncologist for follow-up appointments.  They both gave me a clean bill of health and said to come back in three months.  The surgeon told me things to watch for.  He said that when breast cancer travels to other areas of the body, it usually travels to the brain, bones, lungs, or liver.  I thought the things to watch for could be helpful to anyone keeping watch over their bodies for any signs of illness, so I’ll tell more about them here.  Any medical professionals reading this will likely have more detailed information to add, but in lay terms, this is what I gathered from the conversation:  sudden extreme change in vision or bad head aches can indicate a brain tumor, very painful bones that hurt even when you aren’t moving them can be a sign of bone cancer, constant unexplained coughing or shortness of breath can indicate lung problems, and sudden weight loss without explanation or yellowing of the eyes can indicate liver problems.  So, in addition to self-exams of the breast tissue and related lymph nodes, I need to be watchful for other signs. 

I read on a chat board where someone commented that breast cancer was the gift that keeps on giving.  I enjoyed that comment.  There seem to be several things that no one tells you about until afterwards, which is probably wise, since you don’t really have a lot of choice about it anyway, and knowing everything might be too much to carry at the time.  But, for those that might be curious, I’ll go ahead and talk about a few.  If you really want deeper details and know me well, then give me a call and we can talk further.  Part of my armpit and about half of my under side of the arm, from the elbow to the pit is still numb.  Feeling may return to some of it at some point, and some of it may stay numb forever.  It doesn’t limit my mobility, so it is mainly just an odd left-over reminder.  The connective tissue from my forearm to waist is constantly trying to tighten up.  Twice a day I do stretches to keep it loosened up.  The major shrinking will continue for about a year, but after that I will need to stretch that area daily forever, because the shrinking will continue, but more gradually. 

Another thing that took me by surprise, was that my surgeon said I was now starting the most difficult part of the entire breast cancer journey……what???  I’ve been elated, and celebrating that the hard things were over with, and that is definitely how I feel.  But, it was interesting to learn that for most women, after all of the treatments are over with, depression is a common challenge.  In thinking about our several cross-country moves, I could relate to how this could happen.  You’re in full action gear, lots to do, so many things to take care of that there is no time to really think about what is actually happening to you.  It’s usually about two weeks after settling into a new place before there is time to sit down and let it sink in that you’ve just left so many friends behind and you’re in a new place where you hardly know anyone.  In those situations, I’ve learned the hard way, that it is best to reach out to others from the get go.  Instead of sitting in a class at church waiting for someone to come and sit by you, it’s best to look for someone sitting alone and go sit by them and introduce yourself to them.  I’ve often found a new friend who has also just moved in by using this strategy.  I’ve learned to invite someone over, instead of waiting for someone to invite.  I’ve also learned that I’m happiest once I’m busy serving someone else.  All of these things have helped me get over the blues when I’ve moved.  Maybe there are too many things keeping me busy for depression to set in, but it was good to have a heads up from the doctors to watch for this challenge.  I also appreciated knowing this as a friend, when someone I know is given a cancer challenge, I’ll know to check in even after the treatment is complete, to make sure all is going well.  I’m doing great, so this isn’t a shout out for inquiries.    

            Another cause for the high occurrence of post-cancer depression for women is the hormonal drugs some of us need to take.  The hormone blockers, like the one I’m on, can throw lots of things off.  Thankfully, the biggest side effects I’ve experienced, so far, are hot flashes (usually at night) and “chemopause.”  Again, in case you or a friend ever experience any of this, you’ll have a better idea of what to expect.  With no warning, you’ll go from cold and bundled up, to throwing off the covers and removing layers of sleep clothes, then about 15 minutes later, you’re freezing again.  This process seems to happen two or three times a night.  It has to be considered as comical, allowing you to keep a positive attitude about it.  Chemopause as opposed to menopause is a great way for a woman to go through “the change.”  It gets it over with quickly.  Chemotherapy stops menstration, and if you’re getting close to “the change” anyway, 90% never have to worry about the monthly meanies again.  Weight gain is another challenge with the hormone blocking drugs, and I’m trying to prevent that part, which they say can cause ten to twenty pounds of weight gain.  Joy. 

            My hair continues to grow at a rapid pace.  It doesn’t appear to be much longer, but that is because these curls continue to coil around and around and around.  I’ve always had straight hair, so this is all a new adventure.  It’s fun to experience a different look and feel.  I’m learning about hair products that keep everything in place.  If I brush through the curls and let them go wild, I get an afro look.  If I pat my hair dry, apply gel, and let it dry naturally, then the curls tend to stay close to my head and seem less out of control.  For now, I’d like to grow it out to shoulder length or so, so in the mean time, it means I need to be patient for these coils to grow long enough to give me some additional options.  I’m VERY thankful to have hair again.  I appreciate bad hair days over no hair days.  It’s a lot warmer! 

            So, I’m obviously feeling much better, because I’ve rambled on and on and on.  My energy is returning, but I’m also glad to know that it takes several months to hit 100%.  I feel like I’m probably at 70% of my previous energy levels.  Exercise makes a huge difference.  I am definitely more energetic on the days I exercise.  I feel so much better.  At the time, I didn’t realize how crummy I was feeling, especially during chemotherapy, which was a blessing.  But now, it is exciting to feel so much better and have more energy. 

 Sorry that the health update was so very long.  So many exciting things have happened since my last update.  I’ll try to be brief. 

Garrett has a new position in Chicago, only 3 ½ hours away!  I was able to drive up and help him get settled in his downtown apartment.  He is now one of two correspondents covering the upper Midwestern states for the Fox News Channel.  He works with a camera operator and a producer as they travel around to cover stories in several states.  His first story aired this week (click to view, watch for the very end--my favorite part).  I'm so proud of him!  I'll try not to brag in future posts.  

I went on a trip to Santa Barbara and met some mom friends from when I lived in California.  It was my first airplane trip anywhere in ten months.  It was really fun.  We talked, exercised, shared ideas for volunteer work, sewed baby blankets for a cardiac unit at Children’s Hospital L.A., saw a chick flick, and ate great food.  

    On February 27th, we sent Heath off on his 2-year mission.  He was so excited and ready.  His blog is ElderHeathTenney.blogspot.com  We had some really sweet moments together as a family before he left, and gave our last hugs for two years at the security checkpoint at the Indianapolis Airport.  Kirsten and Weston picked him up and delivered him to the MTC.  That last hug before a mission is still one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, even when I’ve done it before.  You have to love the Lord and strongly believe in His message to part with your child for that long.  It gives a parent just a tiny feel for what it must have been like for God the Father to send his son Jesus down to earth to be our example and to die for each of us so we can all live again.  I can’t imagine how that must have been, knowing what all would happen to our Savior, but I’ve felt a tiny bit of that love and sacrifice with sharing sons for only two years, and it makes me love and appreciate the Father and the Son even more.  I do deeply believe in the message Heath will be sharing, that the gospel of Jesus Christ brings us joy, that after Christ and his apostles were killed, over time there was a falling away and loss of priesthood authority, and that Christ’s full gospel has been restored, along with a living prophet and apostles, to guide us through the current issues and challenges in the world.  I’m thankful to share Heath for two years so he can bring this message and joy to others.  If you'd like to hear his message, let me know and I can send some sweet missionaries like Heath to your door, visit lds.org, or I can have my niece who's serving a mission on Temple Square give you a telephone call!