When Hard Becomes Holy

The quick update, I've now had 5 infusions. My left hand is regaining strength and flexibility. My nerve pain is gone. I feel way more energetic than I expected to feel at this point of treatment. My body is tolerating both the chemo and immunotherapy well. When Scott asked the doctor what best case scenario is, she said, "Shrink the tumors enough for targeted radiation, radiation completely eradicates the tumors, then continue immunotherapy for a year, with continued monitoring." It was the first time anyone had mentioned even the possibility of complete eradication, and she was careful to temper our expectations, saying it wasn't a likely outcome, but it gave us some needed hope.

Easter weekend was beautiful.  Good Friday was a skip Friday!   This gave me more time to focus on and appreciate Jesus’s suffering and sacrifice for each of us, individually.  He knows what it is like to experience every feeling and experience we have in life.  I recently read an address by Camille Johnson, president of the Relief Society of our church.  She talked about hard things that come in life.  She said something like, “You can do hard alone, and it is just hard.  But when you do hard with Jesus, hard becomes holy.”  I loved that thought.  I love going through life’s adventures with Jesus by my side.  I feel honored to be the recipient of so many daily prayers in my behalf.  I want all of you to know that your prayers are felt.  I feel stronger than I should, and I’m able to do more right now than I should, and it is the blessings from your prayers.  These are making my experience holy.  In my personal prayers, I’m praying that everyone praying for me will feel God stronger in their lives, that they will experience some of the same holiness that I’m feeling.  I’m so thankful for all of you that have joined my journey.  You are blessing my life, adding joy, and increasing my capacity.  Thank you.

This past couple of weeks have brought a lot of joy.  I met up with the girls in our family at Heath and Elizabeth’s home near New Haven, CT.  We had a fun girls plus Heath weekend. 



We met up with a good friend from high school, Sharon, who I had not seen in person since my wedding reception. 


We enjoyed a morning walk along the beach.  Friday night, as we prepared to leave for dinner, everyone kept coming out wearing something sparkly.  Courtney had secretly packed some sparkly pants from my closet for me to wear.  Then they pulled out colorful wigs.  It was a really fun early birthday celebration.  Saturday morning, we had a baby shower for Elizabeth’s baby girl, due in July.  We also spent time sequinning Santas for Christmas stockings for grandkids coming in the future.  

Tuesday, April 14th, was chemo day number 5 (because I was out of town for my regular Friday infusion.  It was birthday chemo, and when Scott and I walked into Zupa’s, I was surprised by my birthday buddy Cristy, who flew in from Mississippi, Jenny, who flew in from Atlanta, and Krista, who now lives in Utah County.  We all served together about 25 years ago.  Later, my older sister and brother in law, Laurie and Chuck, came in town and celebrated with us over night.    That night, I was serenaded by lots of my favorite neighborhood kids and their parents, over 40 people!  It was the best chemo day ever, and definitely one of the best birthdays too!  

This Tuesday will be my 6th infusion.  They will do scans after to see how much things have shrunk.  I’ve been doing infusions through my veins so far, because I didn’t like having a port last time.  But, if the tumors are shrinking, I’ll go ahead and get a port, because they have to poke me multiple times to find a good vein.  I didn’t want to commit to a port until I knew it was needed.