A Mammogram for Christmas.

I started out the week of Christmas with a mammogram—what every woman has on the top of her Christmas list—NOT. Unlike routine mammograms, which feel like you close a bare breast in a freezer door, hold it as tightly closed as possible, and then slowly pull yourself free-- diagnostic mammograms have to go deeper and look at more angles. After multiple angles and views, each one involving smashed and stretched tissue that is still sore from surgery over a year ago, there was wonderful news—no signs of cancer. Thank goodness for freezer doors. Now you know why old women sag.

I then moved upstairs to my surgeon’s office. After a thorough exam, he told me everything looked great and said to return in six months. I’m now seeing one doctor every 3 months (surgeon, oncologist, radiation oncologist). When I return in 6 months, they will do some kind of scan instead of a mammogram.

Though a mammogram is the last thing one would want for Christmas, it was a small price to pay for the fabulous gift of peace of mind AND a clean bill of health for 3 more months. When the doctor asked how I was feeling, I told him that sadly, I wasn’t at 100% yet, but felt like I was stuck at about 80%. He then told me it takes about 18 months to recover. I had never heard that part. I had thought it would take about 6 months to recover. So, it was nice to learn that I just need to give it some more time.

It’s probably good that I wasn’t aware of this 18-month recovery window this past August, when I started working at a wonderful public charter school that is Montessori based. I started out working 6 hours a day, and then after about 3 weeks a full time spot opened in the resource room, where I could move from room to room helping kids, of course the reading and spelling parts were my favorite. One of the highlights of the day was helping with the morning car line, greeting these 150 kids with their beaming smiles. I wore fun winter hats each morning, including a cow, elephant, and of course a Santa hat. It was a lot of fun, but as the weeks went by, I could feel the hours taking their toll on my energy. Instead of being exhausted after work on Fridays, I was feeling exhausted every afternoon. I loved the experience, but gave them notice that I would have to resign at the end of the semester, which was last Friday. It was a fun ride. I’m on their sub list if they are ever in a bind, and they said they’d love to have me back when I feel ready.  So it’s not the end of enjoying these great kids.

I met some wonderful people through the school. Two moms were going through breast cancer. I felt like God put me in place to be able to talk to them and cheer them on. Another friend at the school lost her dad to leukemia, the same way I lost my Dad. So even though it was a short time, it was an experience I appreciate and cherish.

Heath, my missionary son, made it to Argentina at the end of October. He's enjoying his opportunity to serve. You can follow his adventures at elderheathtenney.blogspot.com



Thanksgiving Day 2013 & Heath (left) in Argentina 


Ugly Sweater Youth Dance
I love the Christmas season. I love celebrating the birth of our Savior. I admire Simeon and Anna, featured in Luke chapter 2. They lived faithful lives, waiting to see our Savior in the flesh. They followed promptings of the spirit to be at the right place at the right time so they could see the infant king. I love knowing about Christ and watching and preparing for his return. I love knowing that he is watchful over each of us individually. I also love the way he places people in our path, to touch our lives and teach us more about Him by the way they serve others. It’s beautiful! I love having all of my kids home and making memories together. Enjoy your Christmas season as we all try to be His hands through out the entire year.

Do not die with your music still in you.

Last Friday was another 3 month checkup with my surgeon.  Everything checked out great, and I return in 3 months for another checkup and mammograms.  It's so weird to think that a year ago, I was weak from chemo.  Now, I have ultra curly hair, I'm up to 3.5 miles on runs, and starting new adventures in life.

I recently came across a saying that really impacted me:  "Do not die with your music still in you."  It was mentioned in an LDS General Conference talk by Tad Callister, in the priesthood session, directed to leaders of young men in the Mormon faith.  It was a great talk for all of us as leaders of youth.  In thinking about that, I pondered about what gifts I've been blessed with that I've been keeping inside.  I've been blessed with intensive training, a graduate degree, and years of experience in helping kids with reading disabilities, though most of that experience has come through raising my oldest child, who has dyslexia and asperger's syndrome.  Since living in Indiana, I've done almost nothing with this gift,   though there are kids everywhere that need help with reading.  So, with this quote in mind, I decided to look into a reading specialist job for next fall.  I inquired at a small school that was very close to my house.  I learned that it was a public charter school, and I've always been a fan of school choice.  To make a long story short, I'm now working with the resource team and enjoying the opportunity of helping children in each of the classrooms.  It's an assistant teacher position that I'm hoping will lead into a full time specialist position in the future.  I'm really enjoying it.  The kids are so much fun!

The summer was great.  I enjoyed girls' camp, youth conference, two family reunions, and time with our kids, minus Heath, who is still awaiting his visa to Argentina.  He's working hard and staying focused as he serves our Savior as a missionary in Ohio, only 2 hours away from home.  His blog is "elderheathtenney.blogspot.com," if you'd like to read his weekly letters.  And no, I haven't dropped any care packages on his porch, though it was very tempting--I was voted down on the idea by the men in my family.

What music is still inside of you?  Think about it, and make sure you're using the gifts and opportunities you've been blessed with to bless the lives of others.  I think God's big plan, besides returning to Him, is for all of us to learn to serve and bless others as our Savior did when he was on Earth, and as he continually watches over us and blesses us from day to day.

The first weekend in October is another LDS General Conference.  We get to hear inspiring messages from our prophet, the 12 apostles, and other leaders for two days and it's broadcast on the internet and some television channels.  October Conference at lds.org lists times and session, and how to watch online live, or catch it afterwards.  It is uplifting and inspiring.

I know these blog entries are infrequent.  No news is good news.  So, if it's December before I post again, I hope you have a wonderful fall and Thanksgiving!

Celebrate Summer

Yesterday, I had my first mammogram since May 2012 when this whole breast cancer journey started.  I was anxious about it, and relieved that everything looked clean and clear—cancer free!  I also had an appointment with my surgeon.  He did a thorough exam and he also gave me a clean bill of health.  I return in three months.  My physical therapist says that from interviewing her cancer patients, it takes about seven years before they can say they don’t think/worry about cancer every day.  It was nice to hear that at some point it won’t occupy so much focus and concern.  I am vigilantly watching for any signs of recurrence anywhere, hoping if it does come back, we can catch it early enough to prevent harsher steps.  I’m thankful that they are checking me every three months and doing mammograms every six months.  It adds to having peace of mind. 

My energy continues to build.  I feel like I’m at 85% of my normal energy.  I’m running/walking with Denise for about 45 minutes to an hour, 3 days a week, and we are running for more of that time than walking, so that’s exciting and encouraging.  Plus, it seems to increase my energy for the rest of the day. 

My hair continues growing, though the length is hard to notice since it tends to coil more and more with curls.  I’ve tried blow drying it and using a flat iron.  Neither technique has had an attractive result—about four inches of fuzzy hair sticking straight out, like the Afros that were popular in the 90’s.  So, the easiest method of putting hair products on wet hair, and then letting it curl up and do it’s natural thing is working best at this point.  Since they say it will be curly for about 2 years, I’m trying to decide if I should try growing it out, or just keep it short.  With the curl, it may look short no matter what I decide.  It’s fun experiencing a new kind of hair.  It’s thick and very curly. 

Last year we kicked off this whole cancer journey with “Shave the Date,” a party to celebrate baldness, where everyone wore a hat or a wig.  I’d mentioned to several people last year that we’d do it again this year, as a celebration that it was all behind us.  Here we are, a year later, and it really is all behind us.  It’s really exciting!  Every day I feel even better.  But, as I thought about the party that was so much fun, I felt embarrassed to have thrown a big party, sort of just for myself.  Who does that kind of thing?!  It was really helpful at the time, and really fun.  So, today we are having a party again, and I will personally be celebrating yesterday’s great news, but the party is simply a “Celebrate Summer” gathering, perhaps now an annual celebration.  I’ll be celebrating the wonderful friends and family who have been so supportive through this journey, celebrating the opportunity I’ve had to share my experience with others going through similar journeys, and celebrating my faith in my Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ.  That faith has helped me feel peace throughout the storms of this past year.  There are so many things to celebrate this summer!     

Spreading Sunshine and Gladness--Ideas for Rendering Service

Many Happy Returns on the day of thy birth, may sunshine and gladness be given…. Those words are the start of our family birthday poem.  Today is my birthday.  I didn’t realize it would be an emotional event, but I am SO thankful to have this birthday.  So much happened during my year of age 50.  One year ago, I had no idea that two weeks later my life would change so much.  This is the only birthday where I can say I definitely feel one year older and many years wiser.  I’ve learned so much about turning my will over to God, and trusting in Him.  I’ve also learned so much from others and their outpouring of support and love.  I have definitely felt the many gifts of sunshine and gladness that have been given from so many wonderful people.  My energy levels continue to improve.  I'm just returning from a wonderful celebration trip with Scott, celebrating the end of cancer, our birthdays, and our 30th anniversary.  More pictures are at the end of this post.

Service Ideas 

Many have asked for ideas to help someone they know who’s going through cancer. Everyone handles this news in different ways.  Some choose to retreat and come out when it’s all over with, dealing with it all privately.  Obviously, I am one that deals with it in a more inclusive way.  Regardless of how one chooses to handle it, I think that acknowledging to the person in some way and letting them know you are aware of their situation and that you are thinking of them and praying for them is really helpful.   

A few have asked,“What was the most helpful thing someone did for you?”  In thinking about this, my answer would have to be the sum total of many people doing just one thing resulted in a great and lasting impact of support.  I really feel that each person was inspired to reach out and do whatever he/she felt impressed to do to give me a lift when it was needed.  There were so many thoughtful things done randomly along the entire journey.  It was a blessing that everyone did not reach out and respond in the first few weeks.  There was no coordinator of who should send a note or do something kind on certain days, but I think by following the promptings of the spirit, kindnesses were coordinated from heaven, with a steady flow of love expressed and extended along the entire journey.  Some of the most uplifting messages were from people who I didn’t even know very well.  It was touching that they would reach out and join in on the many comforts that were provided.  I’ve consulted with others who have been down similar roads for additional ideas.  So, in no particular order, what follows is a long list of ideas that might spark some inspiration or a prompting of something you can do for someone else.  Some of these are applicable for someone going through cancer, but most would work well for serving anyone—because we all need a lift at times.    

As a recipient of service, it was hard to ask for help, though I did learn to do it in dire circumstances.  It was much easier to agree to an offering of service, or simply welcome a gesture that arrived at the door.  Our church service coordinator would call or text and say, “We’d like to bring meals in for your last four weeks.”  It was then easy for me to say, “Thank you, 3 days a week would be really helpful, and these are the days that would help most….”  When someone simply told me what they were going to do, it was easy to accept, and I was comfortable tweaking the offer so it was still beneficial, but within my comfort zone.  If your group has a meal sign up, and it’s full before you get a chance to sign up, feel free to choose any day not listed and call and say, “I’m bringing dinner tonight.  You can save it for another day if you don’t need it for tonight, or freeze it for later.”  Freezer meals that were ready to use as needed provided comfort and peace of mind, knowing we were set for anything unexpected.

Though people have sincere desires, when someone says, “Call me if you need anything,” when a need does arise it is hard to remember all of the people that made that offer, and you’re unsure what tasks they were really offering.  It was easier when it was phrased specifically—“I would love to help with rides for you or your kids,” or even easier to accept, “I’d love to give the kids a ride to and from_______ today, I’ll be by around…..” Also, feel free to follow up on offers you’ve made.  One friend told me she had really wanted to drive me to radiation and hadn’t heard from me yet, and wanted to make sure she had a turn.  That made me feel like I was doing her a favor!   

Prayers – constant specific prayers for the person are definitely felt.  Tell the person you are praying for them.  Several friends shared that their children prayed for me in every prayer they offered.  That was especially touching to hear. 

Text messages, especially on key days, just letting them know you are thinking of them.  They also let you know that they were aware of the happenings in your treatment.   

Facebook messages or emails, short, quick notes that say you are thinking about them. 

Letter or card in the mail.

Plant fresh flowers in a pot on their front porch (perhaps replacing the dead, neglected ones).

Water their plants inside or outside.

Plant bulbs in their yard that will come out in the spring.

Stop by and pull weeds out of their flowerbeds or garden.

Drop off items that are easy to pack for school lunches, or grab for snacks.

Share a favorite book (used & loaned work great, be clear about “loaned” books so they know to return them—and if anyone needs any back from me, please let me know!) 

Soft socks

New PJ’s

A soft pillowcase or soft sheets.

Send or drop off a single favorite item or a box or bag with family members’ favorites and note describing each item—lotion, a book, snacks, a pen.

Have kids draw pictures and make get well notes (these were SO cute and fun!)

Blank note cards or blank thank you cards.

Book of stamps.

A pre-paid post office flat rate box for use with anything they might need to mail.

Plate of cookies or brownies (ideally, cancer patients may be trying to minimize sugar intake, but sometimes a home made treat hit a needed spot, plus family members always appreciate a treat)

A hand-tied fleece blanket for keeping warm on medical visits.

A freezer meal with instructions, these were great for use as needed.

A carton of blue berries, bag of raw almonds, asparagus, or other super food.

Ingredients to make a power smoothie.

Humorous book or note card.

A pot of soup that can be reheated.

A loaf of homemade bread.
A glass jar filled with small uplifting quotes to pull out and read individually as needed (mine had tiny envelopes made by hand of different scrapbook papers, to open on days I needed a boost.)

Mail a photo you took and let them know you’re thinking of them.

Email link to an inspirational video or message.

Call and offer a ride for an activity their child has.

Take pictures of their kids at any events and email a copy (especially ones they may miss, but they may be at the event, but too tired to take pictures).

Pass along any tips that might help, especially if you’ve found them helpful.

Miralax for constipation (a friend sent this, knowing that my anti-nausea meds would cause a problem, and doctors had not warned me of it!)

Lemon drops or peppermints help with nausea.

Favorite magazine you enjoyed and you’re finished with.

Mealtrain.com for coordinating meals as needed

Quick meal kit (open assorted cans and dump them in a pot).
Drop off dinner the day BEFORE surgery, so they can spend their time getting ready for the hospital and recovery.

Run a race or event, and tell them or send a photo of their name on your back

Celebrate milestones with balloons or fresh flowers, or just drop some off on a random day.

Drop off paper plates or paper cups to help with dishes on hard days.

Call or text when you’re headed to the grocery store or Costco/Sams to see if they need anything picked up.

Library run phone call, “I’m headed to the library, need anything picked up or returned?”

Blank journal

Call ahead and say, “I have an hour, what’s a project I can work on?”

Movie day—come over and watch a movie together

Refillable Water bottle (I've loved the Brita filter water bottle)

Chemotherapy specific:  Many chemotherapy treatments result in hair loss. 

Soft seamless hat for sleeping (bald heads get cold), knit or crochet a hat (every stitch felt like an expression of love), anti-nausea lollipops, big earrings, fun hat, scarf, bandana, Pro-care type toothpaste (with extra fluoride, chemo is hard on teeth).

Radiation specific:  Offer a ride to radiation.  (I regret not arranging more rides to radiation, because time together in the car visiting was a real treat, and I missed out on visits with several people that had hoped to drive me at least once, if not weekly), SPF 50 shirt (with radiation, your radiation area can’t be in the sun for a year, and after that, it should be very limited and you should always use at least 50 SPF sunscreen), a link to a website that sells SPF clothing (Lands End, Sierra Trading Post), Neutrogena Ultra Sheer Dry-touch Sunscreen Broad Spectrum SPF 55 (recommended by a doctor and I loved it). 

Again, this list is just to give you some specific ideas that might trigger something you are inspired to do for someone else.  You don’t have to spend money to show you care.  A text message, email, or in-person comment of support really makes a difference.  I wish I could list every person and every gift of love that was shared, but I’m certain I would miss several (especially because memory problems really do occur!).  Please know that any kind gesture shared with someone else will lighten their load and help them feel loved.  Please share any ideas I can add to this list, and check back for additions!

The Gift that Keeps on Giving

 Friday, March 22, 2013

It’s been seven weeks since my last treatment, and about five weeks since my last post.  So many wonderful things have happened in the mean time.  I’ll start with the health updates. 

I’ve seen my surgeon and oncologist for follow-up appointments.  They both gave me a clean bill of health and said to come back in three months.  The surgeon told me things to watch for.  He said that when breast cancer travels to other areas of the body, it usually travels to the brain, bones, lungs, or liver.  I thought the things to watch for could be helpful to anyone keeping watch over their bodies for any signs of illness, so I’ll tell more about them here.  Any medical professionals reading this will likely have more detailed information to add, but in lay terms, this is what I gathered from the conversation:  sudden extreme change in vision or bad head aches can indicate a brain tumor, very painful bones that hurt even when you aren’t moving them can be a sign of bone cancer, constant unexplained coughing or shortness of breath can indicate lung problems, and sudden weight loss without explanation or yellowing of the eyes can indicate liver problems.  So, in addition to self-exams of the breast tissue and related lymph nodes, I need to be watchful for other signs. 

I read on a chat board where someone commented that breast cancer was the gift that keeps on giving.  I enjoyed that comment.  There seem to be several things that no one tells you about until afterwards, which is probably wise, since you don’t really have a lot of choice about it anyway, and knowing everything might be too much to carry at the time.  But, for those that might be curious, I’ll go ahead and talk about a few.  If you really want deeper details and know me well, then give me a call and we can talk further.  Part of my armpit and about half of my under side of the arm, from the elbow to the pit is still numb.  Feeling may return to some of it at some point, and some of it may stay numb forever.  It doesn’t limit my mobility, so it is mainly just an odd left-over reminder.  The connective tissue from my forearm to waist is constantly trying to tighten up.  Twice a day I do stretches to keep it loosened up.  The major shrinking will continue for about a year, but after that I will need to stretch that area daily forever, because the shrinking will continue, but more gradually. 

Another thing that took me by surprise, was that my surgeon said I was now starting the most difficult part of the entire breast cancer journey……what???  I’ve been elated, and celebrating that the hard things were over with, and that is definitely how I feel.  But, it was interesting to learn that for most women, after all of the treatments are over with, depression is a common challenge.  In thinking about our several cross-country moves, I could relate to how this could happen.  You’re in full action gear, lots to do, so many things to take care of that there is no time to really think about what is actually happening to you.  It’s usually about two weeks after settling into a new place before there is time to sit down and let it sink in that you’ve just left so many friends behind and you’re in a new place where you hardly know anyone.  In those situations, I’ve learned the hard way, that it is best to reach out to others from the get go.  Instead of sitting in a class at church waiting for someone to come and sit by you, it’s best to look for someone sitting alone and go sit by them and introduce yourself to them.  I’ve often found a new friend who has also just moved in by using this strategy.  I’ve learned to invite someone over, instead of waiting for someone to invite.  I’ve also learned that I’m happiest once I’m busy serving someone else.  All of these things have helped me get over the blues when I’ve moved.  Maybe there are too many things keeping me busy for depression to set in, but it was good to have a heads up from the doctors to watch for this challenge.  I also appreciated knowing this as a friend, when someone I know is given a cancer challenge, I’ll know to check in even after the treatment is complete, to make sure all is going well.  I’m doing great, so this isn’t a shout out for inquiries.    

            Another cause for the high occurrence of post-cancer depression for women is the hormonal drugs some of us need to take.  The hormone blockers, like the one I’m on, can throw lots of things off.  Thankfully, the biggest side effects I’ve experienced, so far, are hot flashes (usually at night) and “chemopause.”  Again, in case you or a friend ever experience any of this, you’ll have a better idea of what to expect.  With no warning, you’ll go from cold and bundled up, to throwing off the covers and removing layers of sleep clothes, then about 15 minutes later, you’re freezing again.  This process seems to happen two or three times a night.  It has to be considered as comical, allowing you to keep a positive attitude about it.  Chemopause as opposed to menopause is a great way for a woman to go through “the change.”  It gets it over with quickly.  Chemotherapy stops menstration, and if you’re getting close to “the change” anyway, 90% never have to worry about the monthly meanies again.  Weight gain is another challenge with the hormone blocking drugs, and I’m trying to prevent that part, which they say can cause ten to twenty pounds of weight gain.  Joy. 

            My hair continues to grow at a rapid pace.  It doesn’t appear to be much longer, but that is because these curls continue to coil around and around and around.  I’ve always had straight hair, so this is all a new adventure.  It’s fun to experience a different look and feel.  I’m learning about hair products that keep everything in place.  If I brush through the curls and let them go wild, I get an afro look.  If I pat my hair dry, apply gel, and let it dry naturally, then the curls tend to stay close to my head and seem less out of control.  For now, I’d like to grow it out to shoulder length or so, so in the mean time, it means I need to be patient for these coils to grow long enough to give me some additional options.  I’m VERY thankful to have hair again.  I appreciate bad hair days over no hair days.  It’s a lot warmer! 

            So, I’m obviously feeling much better, because I’ve rambled on and on and on.  My energy is returning, but I’m also glad to know that it takes several months to hit 100%.  I feel like I’m probably at 70% of my previous energy levels.  Exercise makes a huge difference.  I am definitely more energetic on the days I exercise.  I feel so much better.  At the time, I didn’t realize how crummy I was feeling, especially during chemotherapy, which was a blessing.  But now, it is exciting to feel so much better and have more energy. 

 Sorry that the health update was so very long.  So many exciting things have happened since my last update.  I’ll try to be brief. 

Garrett has a new position in Chicago, only 3 ½ hours away!  I was able to drive up and help him get settled in his downtown apartment.  He is now one of two correspondents covering the upper Midwestern states for the Fox News Channel.  He works with a camera operator and a producer as they travel around to cover stories in several states.  His first story aired this week (click to view, watch for the very end--my favorite part).  I'm so proud of him!  I'll try not to brag in future posts.  

I went on a trip to Santa Barbara and met some mom friends from when I lived in California.  It was my first airplane trip anywhere in ten months.  It was really fun.  We talked, exercised, shared ideas for volunteer work, sewed baby blankets for a cardiac unit at Children’s Hospital L.A., saw a chick flick, and ate great food.  

    On February 27th, we sent Heath off on his 2-year mission.  He was so excited and ready.  His blog is ElderHeathTenney.blogspot.com  We had some really sweet moments together as a family before he left, and gave our last hugs for two years at the security checkpoint at the Indianapolis Airport.  Kirsten and Weston picked him up and delivered him to the MTC.  That last hug before a mission is still one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, even when I’ve done it before.  You have to love the Lord and strongly believe in His message to part with your child for that long.  It gives a parent just a tiny feel for what it must have been like for God the Father to send his son Jesus down to earth to be our example and to die for each of us so we can all live again.  I can’t imagine how that must have been, knowing what all would happen to our Savior, but I’ve felt a tiny bit of that love and sacrifice with sharing sons for only two years, and it makes me love and appreciate the Father and the Son even more.  I do deeply believe in the message Heath will be sharing, that the gospel of Jesus Christ brings us joy, that after Christ and his apostles were killed, over time there was a falling away and loss of priesthood authority, and that Christ’s full gospel has been restored, along with a living prophet and apostles, to guide us through the current issues and challenges in the world.  I’m thankful to share Heath for two years so he can bring this message and joy to others.  If you'd like to hear his message, let me know and I can send some sweet missionaries like Heath to your door, visit lds.org, or I can have my niece who's serving a mission on Temple Square give you a telephone call!