Angels

To save readers time, I’ll put the main health updates in bold.

I had to wait until Thursday to write this entry, after I was certain that my wonderful mother was on a plane to my nephew’s wedding this weekend.  She is so kind and caring.  She has been ready to jump on a plane and come take care of me since she heard the diagnosis.  I did not want to miss Jared’s wedding, but I was determined to make sure my mom didn’t miss Jared and Danielle’s sacred ceremony.  She told me that she could change her ticket at any time and she would be here. 

I guess I was a little too confident and self-assured at my ability to escape germs at my point of highest vulnerability.  Another lesson that was good to learn early on.  Monday night, the end of day 8, postnasal drainage, sneezing, and other symptoms gained momentum throughout the night.  I was getting a cold.  Sickness and infection during days 7-10 was my biggest fear, yet it was happening.  I called the cancer center’s weekend number to see what I could take.   My actual doctor called me within 5 minutes.  I was amazed and impressed, felt bad to disturb him on a holiday weekend, but greatly appreciated his prompt response.  I could take Benedryl, and if I watched my temperature closely beforehand, could take Tylenol.  Tylenol can mask infection, and keeping an awareness of my temperature was crucial.  I’d been told before starting treatment that one of the most important things to have close at hand was a good thermometer.  If my temperature ever reached 100.3, I was to immediately call the office. 

Tuesday morning, Scott headed off to Detroit,  Garrett headed back to Mississippi.  Two more days of school until summer break!  It was a good day to feel sick.  My only plans for the day were to take a close friend’s family photo on her 50^th birthday because her entire family was in town for that day.  I knew I could rest all day if I needed to, and have plenty of energy to do the picture in the evening.  I rested in bed all day, monitoring my temperature as the day went along.  When I hit the magic 100.3, I called my “navigator” nurses, Sharlee & Claudia.  They are angel women who hold your hand through the whole cancer process.  Sharlee told me that the actual number we have to act on is 100.5, but they want to know if we hit 100.3 so we can all be really watchful.  She said to push fluids and take Vitamin C.  She called me before leaving work to see how I was doing, and told me that at any point in the night, if I hit 100.5, I needed to go to the ER so they could check my blood and do testing.  My temperature fluctuated between 99.8 and 100.3 for the entire day.  I had to cancel my only real plans for the day.  Thankfully, I later learned that another friend was able to capture their photo.  I was so thankful for that! 

Courtney and Heath were in the middle of finals.  I couldn’t wait for Courtney’s arrival home from school.  I knew she would step in and be my “mom.”  She was amazing.  She placed a cool rag on my forehead, brought popsicles and drinks.  She checked my temperature every few hours, and slept in my room so she would be nearby if I needed her.  I know lots of big prayers were going up in my behalf, especially from Scott in Detroit.  My temperature peaked at 100.4 around 9:00 p.m., never hitting the dreaded 100.5. 

I woke up on Wednesday morning, day 10, fever free and full of energy.  It was the last day of school, and the last day of early morning seminary at our house (a daily high school Bible Study class at 6:00 a.m.).  I went for a run.  I found some cans of orange rolls and biscuits in the fridge, quickly put them in the oven, added some white gravy (the easy Sam’s club mix), and we were set with a surprise last day of seminary snack.  Later, Scott Jr. and I cleaned out the garage.  Day 10 was an amazing day! 

I am continually thankful for so many angels in my life.  My angel friend Krista in Pennsylvania sent a new book that she loved.  Day 9 in bed with a fever gave me a chance to start it…..I enjoyed it so much, I finished it the next day!!  It was powerful, touching, and motivational.  I’ll be passing it around my family this summer, but will gladly loan it to anyone nearby once it is available.  “Heaven is Here,” by Stephanie Nielson.  It came out in April 2012.  Her book referred to a talk given by Jeffrey Holland, who is one of the 12 apostles in our church.  The book mentioned that when he wrote this talk, he was mindful of the Nielson family’s challenges.  It brought great strength to Stephanie, who is a walking miracle.  My New Life is an 8 minute video that tells her story in brief.  She later met Jeffrey Holland, and he told her something beautiful.  From page 293:

“As we talked he told me to be proud of my scars.  ‘We look for Christ’s scars because they are evidence of what He did for us.  They’ll be the first things He shows us when we see Him again.  Your scars tell a story, too.  Although they may not make you feel attractive, they are a witness of a miracle, that God blessed you to live, and that you have accomplished very difficult things.” 

I remember listening to this talk in 2009.  I really enjoyed re-reading it this morning.  One of my favorite quotes:  “I have spoken here of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with—here, now, every day. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind." Jeffrey Holland, The Ministry of Angels

I’m thankful for the loving angels surrounding me—which includes all that are climbing this mountain with me through your prayers, words of encouragement, suggestions, kindnesses, and love. 

Day 7 is Heaven

Things are going well.  I am so thankful for the advice and kindness of friends from all over the country.  My friend Lisa, a nurse in Louisiana, suggested asking for Zofran, an anti-nausea drug that does NOT cause drowsiness.  I called my nurse, and had it in hand by Wednesday evening.  It made a night and day difference!  Instead of day 4 being the hardest so far (as I'd been told), it was the best day yet!  I went for a run in the morning, ran errands and had lunch with a friend, and attended a meeting that night.  Since then, things have gone great.  I prioritize what I need/want to do most, and allow some resting time in between.  I've learned to keep the Zofran in my system.  I'm careful about crowds and germs, and wash my hands a lot.  


Day 5 was my hardest day, besides the anxiety of Day 1.  I learned some important lessons--better to learn on day 5 than on day 180!!  I had read that days 4-6 would be the hardest as far as fatigue, but days 7-10 were the days where the chemo is at its peak in doing its work.  So, knowing that day 4 had gone fine, I was waiting for day 5 to start taking its toll.  Rather than taking charge of my day and doing what I wanted and needed to do, I was waiting for the worst to hit--waiting to be a victim, fearing the worst, waiting and watching for the extreme to hit me.  Would I have seizures or break out in boils (I don't know if either of these are even things to worry about, but I was fearing the worst)?  I was anxious the entire day, not enjoying the blessing of celebrating my oldest son Scott's birthday, and not enjoying the gift of having Garrett in town with us for the long weekend.  I should have taken my anti-nausea meds, but instead thought I could tough it out.  So, I felt crummy, and waited for terrible things to happen to me.  That evening, I realized I was letting chemotherapy act on me and control me, as if I had no say.  I was allowing myself to be an object to be acted upon, rather than an agent that acts.  Thankfully, I was able to take charge.  I stopped focusing on myself, and started doing things to serve others.  I made a birthday cake, took some pictures, and found that joy and control and returned to my life.  I felt bad to have wasted day 5, but was thankful that day 5 taught me some important lessons that will help me find joy and happiness as we climb this mountain.  


I'm learning more about chemotherapy as I go.  I've learned that chemo makes your skin extra sensitive to the sun, so sunscreen is extra important, but avoidance of direct sun is best.  I also learned that swimming is a bad idea--since blood counts are low, you're vulnerable to infection--pools and the ocean are places with lots of germs.  I really enjoyed attending a baptism on Saturday, and church on Sunday.  Scott is a wonderful "body guard," escorting me away from crowds and making quick exits after meetings.  I love socializing, but also need to be careful, so if I seem distant on the back row, or seem to avoid lingering, please understand that we're trying to be able to both enjoy group gatherings, and yet keep my health safe.  I don't want anyone to think I'm unfriendly or a snob.  I'm trying to find the right balance of social and health safe.   


This quote was helpful in thinking through my day 5:  "As you and I come to understand and employ the enabling power of the Atonement in our personal lives, we will pray and seek for strength to change our circumstances rather than praying for our circumstances to be changed. We will become agents who act rather than objects that are acted upon."  (David Bednar)  


I am so thankful for the prayers and words of encouragement from so many.  The power and uplift of your prayers is strongly felt by our entire family.  The kind deeds and offerings have given us an overwhelming feeling of love and appreciation.  Thank you for touching our lives and teaching us so much about how to ease burdens and express love and concern.  

Reality Hits You Hard.

This is day 3 of chemo round 1.  After returning home on day 1, I felt tired and went to bed early.  At 2 a.m. I woke up feeling very nauseous, but did not throw up.  I came back to bed and broke out in a cold sweat feeling awful.  Woke up Scott, who took great care of me.  Luckily we had filled the "just in case" meds.  They worked great.  They cause drowsiness, so I slept well the rest of the night, and have rested a lot since.  I've continued with the meds every 6 hours to avoid any more incidents.  Scott stayed in town and worked from home to make sure all was fine.  Last night was great, so he was able to attend his out-of-town meeting today.

So far, chemo feels like the first trimester of pregnancy or the flu.  It may be more similar to pregnancy, since the duration is 9 months, the first 4 months are the hardest, and in the end, you get a new life that's bald and hopefully cute.  My mouth gets dry.  Eating crackers is not the solution to keeping something on my stomach--that was awful, like a wad of chalk in your mouth.  Nothing sounds good to eat, but I'm making myself eat healthy foods.  We set up a dinner plan on Monday, during our weekly Family Night.  Courtney cooks on Tuesdays, Scott Jr. on Wednesdays, and Heath on Thursdays.  They can't purchase take-out unless they spend their own money, so this will be a great opportunity for them to develop some new skills.  Courtney started it out well last night.

As I begin to experience how the chemo will affect me, I'm realizing this blog needs some humor in it as well.  Laughter is so helpful in relieving stress and anxiety.  We now use a phrase at home a lot, "Reality hits you hard, bro."  If you need some humor in your day, I'm posting two links, the original, and the songified version.  We were using this phrase early Tuesday morning.  Original Interview    extended version made into song.

My friend Tammy shared this BYU Devotional address given in March of this year.  

What Happens When Life Gets One Degree Colder?  text version, or Video version.

It's 28 minutes long, but inspiring when you have time.  The text version can go faster.  I download things to my phone and play them at 1 1/2 speed so I can listen to more in shorter amounts of time.  Thank you for your prayers for our family.  They are strongly felt.  We feel God's arms warmly wrapped around us as He supports us through this new adventure.

It's a Wonderful Life.

So, on this blog, to save readers time, I will try to give the medical update in the first (today 2nd) paragraph, then more details in the following paragraphs, ramble about other things of interest, and finally finishing up with something that gave me comfort or inspiration.  So, you can choose how much detail, or what you're after, and just skip to the appropriate paragraph.  But, I do have attention deficit, and as my family can attest, I'm known to quickly change subjects with no advance warning, so read at your own risk.

Medically since my last update, the MRI results came back, confirming everything known from the previous tests and not showing any additional areas of concern.  Also, I found the names of the AC-T chemo drugs, for any that are curious:  I started today with the first of 4 treatments of Adriamycin and Cytoxan.  They will be given 3 weeks apart.  They say that usually some of the hardest days will be in the range of day 3-10, when the chemo starts doing its work.  With the drugs they now have, the biggest side affect is lack of energy.  We'll see how it goes.

Today was a great day.  Scott and I were anxious about the unknown, but I felt a peace about it, thanks to prayers and blessings.  It feels so great to be over the hurdle of this first treatment.  This first series (the next 12 weeks) is supposed to be the hardest on my body, so it feels good to have it started.  If you've seen the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life," with Jimmy Stewart, there's a part in the movie that repeats a few times.  Whenever a bell rings, his heavenly helper tells him that every time a bell rings, it means an angel has earned its wings.  Today, I had a similar experience.  My phone's texting "ding" was going off all day long--but it was earthly angels sending notes of love, encouragement, and support.  It was so fun!!  It really helped a lot.  It was easy to read them when I had a chance, and hopefully I can respond to them at some point too.  It really helped lift us through a day we were worried about.

Another great treat was a visit from two dear friends, and sisters, Christy & Beth.  They came by during the final hour of treatment.  They brought a bag of healthy snacks, and turned my first chemo day into a party--provided us with laughs and laughter.  It was so much fun!  It was also a tender mercy for Scott and an answer to his prayers.  He has leave town in the morning and was worried about leaving me.  These great friends helped him realize that there are many friends near by, that are ready and available to step in as needed.  But wait, it gets even better!  The cancer center has my favorite kind of ice, and endless drinks and snacks--for free!  AND, when I left, I got to choose a hand knitted hat!  There was a drawer full of hats knitted or crocheted by volunteers.  I hear that bald heads get cold at night--so now I'm set!  I'm so thankful to the kind, loving person that made this green hat for me!!  I know this is like an info-mercial, but THEN on our way home, we went by Zogurts, a local stop we love.  They didn't have my favorite flavor, but he said he could make it out of vanilla.  Adam, the owner, asked, "So what's new with your family today?"  We told him we were celebrating the completion of my first chemo treatment.  When we checked out--he said mine was taken care of, to wish me well on my adventure.  To make a great day even better, when we arrived home, the kids had cleaned the main floor living areas, and re-arranged the furniture in a very attractive way.  It was such a fun surprise and so nice to walk in to!

Now, to rapidly totally change the subject, Mormon Prom was SO much fun.  I enjoyed every minute of the preparation AND the event.  It was so fun seeing the youth dressed up--gorgeous young women and handsome young men!  It was fun watching them have a good time.  The food was beautiful and amazing.  The light show with the lanterns was really fun.  I'm so glad I was able to attend it and enjoy it to its fullest.  I'm so thankful for all of the helping hands that came together to make it such an amazing event.  Pictures are up on facebook.

So now, to close down with something that gave me comfort, yesterday in church, visiting the Beech Grove Ward for their conference, the closing hymn was "I Need Thee Every Hour".  This is a hymn that's always provided comfort, but it hit me extra strong with the anticipation of Monday's treatment and the kick off of this battle.  Here's a link to the hymn if it might provide comfort to you with anything you may be struggling with.  I know that our Savior lives, providing us with peace and comfort when the storms of life hit us.

Chemo starts on Monday!

Yesterday we met with the oncologist.  He said I'm between a stage 2 and 3, which is a curable stage.  Since the cancer is in my lymph nodes, chemo will be needed.   We are doing it before surgery in hopes of shrinking the mass, making surgery less invasive.  It will also allow us to know if the chemo is working, by monitoring the mass along the way.  We had hoped to start on Friday, but they were hesitant that I would be able to enjoy Saturday's prom--the big dance we've been decorating for all week.  So, we opted for a Monday start--1:00 p.m.  I can help with the gym ceiling dismantling at 8:00 a.m., and then start a new chapter in my cancer adventure.  Below is a sneak peek of the gym, still in process.

For now, this is the plan, though it can be tweaked according to needs and responses as we go along.  We'll do 4 treatments of AC (two drugs), spaced 3 weeks apart.  Those will take about 4 hours of the IV each time.  This will go through late August.  Then they'll do 12 treatments of T (I'll list the names next post when I have them in print form), once a week.  This will take me through Halloween.  It's supposed to be less fatiguing then the AC dosage.  They will then wait about a month and do surgery (early December).  About a month after surgery, they will do radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks.  That will end around Valentine's Day--very fitting, since it's sweet that this will be about 9 months rather than 12!  

I'll lose my hair in early June.  Insurance often pays for a cranial prosthesis (fancy word for wig).  The 3rd week between treatments is supposed to be the week I'm feeling the best.  Girls Camp hits a 3rd week, so that's another tender mercy.  They say to keep your regular life going as much as possible.  Exercise helps lessen the fatigue.  The anti-nausea meds help a lot with that, so the biggest side effect is fatigue.

It feels great to know our plan.  I still feel the peace and uplift of your prayers.  Thank you so much.  Starting chemo is scary, mainly the unknown of what it will feel like and how it will affect my day to day life.  But, I'm thankful for the advances of breast cancer treatment and that the outlook is positive. 

It's interesting that 2 summers ago we took our stake youth group of 150 kids on a pioneer trek.  The lesson we all took from that was, "we can do hard things."  The mud was shin deep.  There were hills that looked impossible to climb.  Through working together, we were able to do those hard things and came out stronger and closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ through the process.  We also grew closer as a group.  That experience taught me a lot.  I thought the lessons were for the benefit of the youth, but I'm so thankful to have been a part of that experience.  It helped me learn from them that we can do hard things.  We can't do it alone, and we are never alone. The link below is a slide show/video Kirsten made from trek pictures.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BeEncnR2UA&feature=plcp

Test Results--Great News!

Great News!  Today the surgeon called with some test results.  The PET scan showed that the cancer has not spread to any additional areas.  It remains in the breast tissue and the lymph nodes that are connected to it.  Additionally, the blood test to see if I'm genetically inclined to breast cancer (meaning it could come back easily, and that my sisters and daughters would also be at risk) also came back negative.  So, we were very thankful and relieved that our starting point for beating this cancer is much less complicated that it could be.  Today is the MRI.  Wednesday we meet with the oncologist to learn about options for kicking this cancer.  It's an aggressive, fast growing cancer, but it should respond well to treatment.  We're hoping to start chemo Friday or Monday, to shrink it down before surgery.  But we'll know more after Wednesday.

I've been so blessed by the advice of friends who have beaten breast cancer, as well as friends who are experts in the cancer field.  I've been reading a lot and learning more about breast cancer and treatment options.  A dear friend sent a request to her local survivors group for recommendations and reviews on their doctors, resulting in numerous testimonials about doctors in the Indy area for surgery, chemo, and radiation.  My sister  sent a package filled with a variety of scarves and big earrings, including some scarves from her world travels--the kinds of things that gave my aunt a lift when she was fighting breast cancer.  A friend ran in the Komen race with my name on the back of her shirt.  I've been so uplifted by wonderful email, FB, text, notes, & letters of love and encouragement.  The prayers for strength and comfort are so strongly felt.

Yesterday morning, I was letting myself worry a bit.  I was thinking, "faith and fear CAN co-exist."  I went for a run, which is always therapeutic, and listened to a talk from the recent LDS General Conference that held the message I needed to hear.  "Our strength to endure faithfully depends upon recognizing, remembering, and holding sacred that which we receive from above."  It talked about the importance of both secular and spiritual aspects in our lives, stressing that we need to prioritize and focus on the spiritual first.  It also talked about the importance of recognizing, then writing down, the tender mercies we experience in our lives.  I have received blessings from above, and know that I'll conquer this obstacle.  It will happen with the help and support of my Savior and my wonderful family and friends.  I'm so blessed by the prayers and words of support from so many.  Thank you!

Here's a link if you'd like to read or listen to the talk that was a tender mercy to me yesterday morning:  "To Hold Sacred," by Paul Pieper, http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/to-hold-sacred?lang=eng

Pathway to a shiny head.

First step

Before

June 5th, after Shave the Date Party

June 6th, Temporary Pink.....12 hours later, huge bald spots.

New Hair Cut Day...and scheduled testing update.

Today is new haircut day!  I'll post some before and after photos.  Looks like I might have this new style for 3 to 4 weeks; but we're still awaiting final data in making treatment decisions.  For right now, we're looking towards chemo first to shrink the mass, then surgery.  Everything is scheduled.  Tomorrow, Friday, I'll have some regular lab work done.  Then, I get to drink some goop on an empty stomach, slowly take a ride on a table through a big donut for my PET/CT study.  Though I'm limiting my intake of sugar, I may treat myself to a real donut afterwards.  The MRI is scheduled for Tuesday.  Wednesday we meet with the oncologist to look at the gathered data and make a chemotherapy plan.  Hopefully we'll meet back with the surgeon on Thursday, and get any other opinions Thursday and Friday.  We hope to start something early next week.

I wanted to thank everyone who has written such kind notes of support, and offered prayers in my behalf.  I am doing GREAT.  I want all of you to know that your prayers are felt.  I've never been the focus of so many prayers and offers of support.  It is very touching to feel the outpouring of love and concern.  Your prayers, through the enabling power of the atonement of Jesus, are so strongly felt.  I learn about the rigorous road ahead, and yet I feel total peace and a miraculous sense of energy and enthusiasm.  I could not experience this on my own.  I know it is from my loving Savior and through your prayers of faith.  It's wonderful!  I'm also reading through the New Testament again, of course with a completely different perspective on life as I read about his numerous healings.  Each healing was done in a different way, individually for what was best for each person's needs.  I know He is there for all of us, to help heal what ever ailments exist in our lives.  Matthew 4:16 especially stood out to me.  I'll put it here in case it helps any of you.  I know I'm not in the shadow of death--my prognosis is very positive, but from what I hear, some of the chemo can feel like you're in the region of death, so this gave great comfort.  "The people which sat in darkness saw great light; and to them which sat in the region and shadow of death light is sprung up."  I know that Christ is the light.  We can all feel that light in our lives.  Your prayers have been instrumental to me in feeling that light so strongly.  His sacrifice for us gives that hope that is so needed to get us through tough times.  Thank you again for your love and support.

So, just a reminder, there's so much more to my life and yours than cancer.  It's now a piece of my life, but only an added piece and peace.  Prom decorating happens next week.  It's a prom for teenagers 16-18 who live in the state of Indiana or near by.  It provides a wholesome option for school prom, and it's free.  We're expecting over 300 teenagers from all over the state.  I'll post some pictures when the decorating is complete.  Sorry for rambling on for so long.  I don't intend to write so much every time.

With much love and gratitude,

Kathy

I recently learned that I have breast cancer.  I'm still gathering information, but I've started this blog as a way to keep anyone interested informed on this new journey.  


History:  I found a lump about 6 weeks ago.  After monitoring it for a month to see if it would change or go away, I went to my family Dr.  Since I had a normal mammogram in Sept. 2011, she didn't think it was cancer, but sent me for more testing just in case.  On Tuesday, May 1, 2012, I arrived for my 2:15 appointment.  At 7:00 p.m., I left the office.  After mammograms and ultrasounds, Dr. Mitchell stayed late with his staff to do a biopsy so I could leave the next morning to take Heath on a college visit.  He said it looked like cancer,since I had no signs of infection.  We told the kids that it was almost certain that it was cancer.  Dr. Mitchell sent the tissue off stat. Wednesday at noon, 18 hours later, I received a call confirming there was cancer both in the left breast and in the lymph node under my left arm.    


We let the news soak in for the rest of Wednesday and Thursday.  Thursday night we shared the news with our moms and siblings.  We'd planned to have a small family fast on Sunday, but expanded the news sharing to extended family and close friends.  Sunday there were countless family, church family, and friends joining us in praying and fasting for me.  It was very touching.  I feel so loved.  I have been feeling the power of those prayers.  It is an amazing feeling to feel the love and support of so many, and the blessings of heaven giving peace and comfort to me and my family.  Thank you so very much!  


Monday's news:  Today we met with the surgeon.  The pathology results told us what kind of cancer it is, so the oncologist can decide what meds to treat it with.  We will spend this week and next week gathering more information and meeting with doctors to make the plan.  I'll have some blood tests, an MRI of the chest area, and on Friday a PET/CT test (a scan from my neck to my knees) to make sure there is no cancer anywhere else.  Next week we'll meet with the oncologist to discuss chemo options based on all of the info gathered.  Then we'll meet back with the surgeon, possibly another surgeon, and then make a game plan together with the entire team.  


So, the good news for today:  1) I'll be able to decorate for and attend Mormon Prom!! (Which I LOVE doing!), 2) In approximately 9-12 months I should be cancer free, 3) I can get any kind of haircut I've been too chicken to try, because if I don't like it, it will soon be gone.  If I do like it, I'll know what to try once my hair grows back.  4) I'll get to spend time with my family, see my kids marry, be a grandma, and hopefully a great grandma.  5) I feel complete peace and somehow this exhilaration for this new experience that will stretch our entire family to new levels.  


Mountains to Climb is the talk that inspired the title of this blog.  Unlike President Eyring, who prayed for a mountain of his own to climb; I knew NOT to pray for such a thing, because prayers are answered.  I know that my Lord and Savior will be by my side, along with the help and support of the wonderful angels I'm surrounded by--my family and friends.  I'm thankful for this opportunity to grow.